The heart of the matter

The heart of the matter

I am a child born of love: it has taken me two decades to realize this, let alone believing it. For a long time, I saw myself as an underdog. I felt responsible for cleaning after people. I accepted the role they assigned me: being second best (or worst if you like). I resigned to my fate. Without putting up a fight, I wholeheartedly let the environment define me. I let myself become a creature of circumstances.

All this time, people treated me as the underdog. Inside of me lay an invincible spirit but I felt invisible to the world. They had boundaries when interacting with everyone else except me. I must have had a sign that read “Pushover” pinned on me.

How had I allowed this to happen? Was I so weak to defend myself? Didn’t I respect myself enough to create and maintain my boundaries? Did I have no care in the world self-love, personal growth, and purpose? Call it the bitter truth, but that’s what I had allowed in my life. It lasted for as long as I let it.

Two decades later, I have unlearned all the nasty notions I had about myself. I am no longer the underdog who everyone bullied around. I am a gentle yet powerful force to reckon with. I am a snowflake, sweet and tantalizing but not in the pushover kind of way. Woke, respectable and high-flying, nothing can stop me now. The world appears to be in a different color now. In the spirit of positivism, I am learning who I am. The great lessons I relearn, I unlearn all that leads me to think of myself negatively.

I may have spent a long time hiding in people’s shadows. Just like the moon, I never knew how beautiful others perceived me to be; how the faint light I showed appealed to them; and how they drew important lessons from my life. It wasn’t until I worked on myself, learned, unlearned and relearned key lessons of life that my world changed.

Now, I do not live in the city four square, where there is no night. Far from it. I am a law-abiding citizen of this turbulent world, one filled with tribulations. My hope is therefore anchored on the small things such as the rising of the moon. Such things give me joy. And unlike other days, the moon looks enthusiastic today: as if it has resolved to shine brighter this New Year. Maybe, it has decided to create its own light. To stop being dependent. If it has, then we are both audacious in how we take on life. Instead of weathering the storm, we take it in strides: And while weathering suggests old and withered, neither the moon nor I, are that.

This far I have learned this:

I have the soul of a free man. Audaciously, we are living it out: the moon and I.

How the moon makes me feel I can’t clearly explain.

I experience an adrenaline rush that leaves me euphoric.

Then I get crushed once I remember its glow is only a reflection of something greater; the sun.

It’s a confused feeling, one of pride and shame. A feeling I abhor.

However, this doesn’t change the fact that the vision of the moon is awe-inspiring; every day, all the days.

This vision lights me up: it ignites my soul and sets my carcass of fire.

– One Of A Kind.

This guest post was by Miss Wanjala Mwachaze. The moment we began talking the other day, I knew she is someone I want to keep in my life. I know you would too! She is full of energy, positivity and everything nice! Check her out on her social media accounts:

Facebook: Wanjala Mwachaze on Facebook

Her blog: One Of A Kind

Remember to Love hard and laugh even louder this week!


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