Msinione hivi, I used to be a queen once. Only, it was a kingdom run by four ladies. There was her royal highness the queen, (me) her highness the princess, pretty eyes and I guess, a light skin. There is always a light skinned one in any clique. I was fresh out of high school, a little naïve and in love with the idea of love. Pretty eyes won him over, they are happily married?
Then came campus, a little wiser, you would think I would be, but wapi?
By the way, I love intelligent guys, guys who read and have sense a of humor. We would chat till the wee hours of the morning discussing ‘God knows what’, remember those unlimited chats? Those things are lethal. Well, I guess I was naïve to think that campus “love” would survive without physical love, we had to part ways. His intelligence lived on though. I still find it charming. (chuckles)
There was this time I was very down, I had hit rock bottom, I was going through a lot of stuff, and then he came, with hope? Ushaiwahi fika point you think there is nothing more for you in this world. That moment you think you are unlovable, that you count for nothing? You guys really underestimate depression, don’t you? Depression can strip you off all the self-esteem you took years to build in just a snap. We would communicate during the week alafu ikifika Friday we had something to fight about. As in, hivyo tu out of the blues we’d have something to fight over. Kumbe Friday was truly members day for him. He’d take a leave from this depressed girl and go to cool off wars with another babe. The babe who later became his‘baby mama’.
There are these cool guys who you think you have hit the jackpot when you meet them. Even when they sneeze near your vicinity, the sneeze is systematic. They are gentlemen, very attentive. You know he even wrote me poems every two days? Lakini ule aunty wa macho baby akishakuamulia, you will always be the other woman, my fault. I was witty with lots of humor and would keep him on his toes, challenging him but obviously… he preferred taller girls who wouldn’t embarrass him in public. Oh, did I forget to say he was probably a 5’7 and I, well… I am humbled and down to earth by nature. Lakini you people, if you have to insult someone let it not be on something they can’t change, like the shape of their mouth. And in any case, I thought you guys liked short ladies? I’d love to know when that changed.
Ukizoea kuwa the other girl, you have to evaluate yourself and find out what you did right this time. It is either that or examining the guy’s head. I thought I had matured, all I wanted was respect. I thought love was for fools. If I found a guy who respected me, thought I was witty and I had a beautiful soul but I guess am not the best of lovers, I am not always available. I had too much going on in my life, struggling for reasonable grades, church activities, mentorship programmes, family issues. But come on, all you guys out there, si you all wake up chasing different dreams? (huyu alisema when I have my priorities right nimtafute)
There is nothing as bad as failing at what you want to succeed most in. Who doesn’t want a little heaven on earth, with a prayerful, loving and priestly husband and well-behaved children who sing like Seraphim and are the reference children during adventurer and pathfinder gatherings? Tell me. Who doesn’t want to be the marking scheme? By the way sikusoma Adventist home and all the knowledge to go down the drain hivo. I have ever been practicing on how to ‘kaanga’ githeri in different ways for show off during Sabbath potlucks. And by the way, is this part of the proverbs 31-woman curriculum? (asking for myself).
I had taken a sabbatical and decided maybe I was doing it all wrong. I fasted and prayed. I even involved friends in the fasting to give it one last chance. One. You guys should take prayers seriously. Lol. The next one who came even wanted to ask for permission to date me from my dad. I guess the prayers worked. We never got to go that far, kumbe he was just on a break with his sweetheart and kaboom! They met again. Long story short, they are now engaged, and he didn’t even have the decency to let me know.
But as always, the heart wants what it wants. I am now on a baking spree/ season. I know I won’t be buying birthday cakes for my loved ones (btw, any suggestion on how to make cake frosting/butter cream icing paste will be appreciated? Mine turns out disastrous.)
But what else do we Christians have other than hope? I can’t wait for the ten days of prayer. I will begin my fast again, this time I hope it bears fruits otherwise am still thinking of option B.
Yet I will not leave without saying this much. You know it feels good to think we are not at fault, even myself. But doesn’t it take two to tangle? Find out my mistakes in the next series.
This guest post was by Jael Morangi. Jael is passionate about matters writing: be it poetry, prose… All of it. She is also passionate about matters stomach😎( do not misquote me). I only said she loves cooking.
Still looking for more guest bloggers. If you might be interested, I will be delighted to have you here. You can email me.(email@example.com)
And PS:😉most of you are scared that you must write about love. No. That is not true. We are liberal. You can write even about your stomach. As long as you make it interesting.