On which day do you get to sit back and assess your week?Stuff like getting to know which MP walked out of an interview on live TV.Like,o-n l-i-v-e TV!Thanks for noticing the emphasis placed on each syllable.(we don’t mention names here.The reason being, you won’t come bail me out should I land in a cell for defaming an esteemed MP!)
I’m talking about getting to follow up on the ranting that we lovely Kenyans have been doing all over Facebook and ‘twirra‘ now that Obama will be visiting Kenya.Pause.So now that dearest His Exellency Obama is coming to Kenya,Nairobi gets a ‘face-lift’?Isorait!As you are already imagining,I am scratching my chin thoughtfully with that amused look.
I suspect you’ve heard of those 5000 or so people who are planning to stage a peaceful demo(with no clothes on) against gay marriages ahead of Obama’s arrival?Yes,I too heard of it.Si unanijua tu.I just laughed at that,shook my lovely head sideways and walked out through the other door just like Moses Kuria did.It didn’t make news because I wasn’t on live TV,but you are getting what i’m saying.God never created Adam and Steve.
And.Where did that guy who wanted to offer Obama 60 cows and for his daughter go to?I too have no idea as to where he went. Hear-say has it that his latest move has been converting to Islamic to increase his chances.Well,
I don’t oppose his move.At least not after dear Lupita said dreams are valid!Mr.60 cows,keep trying harder.One of this fine days you going to become an icon to many.
Speaking of Lupita,I hear she was in Kenya a while a go.Now, media people would you please help me understand this?What dictionary do you guys use because am confused.I think I saw you guys write…’Lupita’s home-coming…bla bla’ I was yawning before I finished reading what you guys had written.Home-coming???OK.I will check my dictionary then I will be back for more discussion.
Miss Lupita,as pertains to the dinner party you held,am compelled to enquire something. How much were the entry charges?.I’m asking in good faith because I heard every one( it’s only fair that I let you know that every one in this case refers to my luo neighbor) complaining that the charges were too high?Was it five fugure as he says?
OK dear Lups(is that the short form of your name?).Lupita,we love you anyways.But before I do what Moses did,did I read somewhere that you don’t have Kenyan designer?Ok,sister lupita,you are missing out on some cool stuff here.Once again I tell you,Isokei!Should you ever consider getting one,I have a friend who does some great designs.Hello Joan Mbeyu wherever you are.*insert endless winks here*Just so you know,Joan Mbeyu won the Student designer award in the Kenya Fashion Awards 2015.So,Lupita dearest,Kenya has all you need 🙂
Lups,let me stop there for now.If it helps to know,I love what you do.You’re quite good at it.Really.
I don’t know what else might have been trending this past few weeks but I am not leaving this place without talking of Mr.Collymore.
Those who were born 2 decades before me,you must have read a book about two brothers,Bob and Dob(dear ancient parents,what are these names you were giving kids?).As the story goes,Bob was the stingy and mean brother.. and i’m not insinuating anything.Bob-you are welcome.
I’m only trying to tell you how my ‘ situationship‘ with ‘Thafaricom is faring.’Thafaricom has never loved me for the longest time now.Neither has it loved you.It gives me some sort of vile joy to know that we all are at the cruel mercies of Bob but we still choose it as ‘the best option.’Oh the irony.Me thinks,being ironical is one darling sin we Kenyans have marinated in.
Thing is,wee Mr.Bob I heard that you revised data bundles usage.So nowadays,revision means doing away with nighttime bundles?Now what about we nocturnals who wait patiently till ten pm to chat with those free night MBS?Scowl all you want.I know we are lots of us in this club.*wicked grin*
Among the other revisions you made,you made sure to do this only a few weeks after you confessed that you hate Kenyan food.Isokei too.By the way i’ve wanted to know(for some time now),which country do you hail from?Your highness.
I need to sleep,but before that ,I want to encourage all men out there who are waiting to receive new car keys soon,as a present.So-and-so(you know who),set the pace late last month and by the way I sincerely loved what she did.It was out of love.Really.
But you good people of the Lord nearly brought the internet down trolling all over her.Haki nyinyi!Isorait!Keep waiting for new car keys,with that attitude.Is a probox categorized among cars?If it is,aiya msijali mtapewa hata hiyo.
I’ve just realised we haven’t mentioned the story of the CBK governor.You Kenyans aki.*sigh*I won’t say anything here.Priss,achana na yeye afanye kazi.Won’t it be safer that way,keeping in mind that currently the Kenyan shilling is trading at kshs.102 against the US dollar?Bad.It’s actually bad than worse.
Despite all this,I love all of you.For you make my Kenya, even though every time I log in into twitter and see the hash tags there,hehe, my ribs always end up in the ICU.Rest in peace dear ribs,bear the stitches.I am not the sinner here.I happen to live in a country where half the population are comedians ,one quater lunatics ,an eighth wierdos and a few sane ones.Hallo sane people! :)Do you exist in Kenya?And if you do,then you must be a rare species.Or is it that you keep growing extinct with time?