One afternoon last week, after swallowing those malaria pills which taste like a snack taken in hell, I sat thinking of how I am not ready to leave the world just yet. I swear I read out my 1-paged will out loud to God arguing my case out. Look, there is no chocolate in the grave. Neither is there Yoghurt with real strawberries inside it six feet under. So, no. I am not ready yet.
I might not have told you but I spent the whole of last week nursing the malaria. In my system. That disease attacked me with all it has got. It is amazing how I am alive today. 😂 I am not sure you are ready to hear my gross stories on how I was puking so hard that I kept wondering if my oesophagus had broken its brakes. You know when you are sick, you get weird thoughts. I even wondered which organ of my body was going to fail first incase the heavens decided to mute me. Chei. Hence, you guys should listen to what I am about to tell you today. Below are some of the stuff I am still learning even as I turn 22.
I will not waste time telling you the same old stuff that you are well familiar with. Stuff like; nothing feels more relaxing that taking your bra off when the day ends. Ah, si that feeling is out of this world, girls? Neither will I ask to know if you’ve stopped running naked from the bathroom to your room after showering. But I can assure you that that naked run is a risky affair, my friend. Unwarranted people might end up seeing things that they will never be able to unsee.
Yesterday my mother tells me to ‘take’ her to the market so that she can pick out some sweater tops. When she mentioned sweaters, my mind rushed to those crocheted sweaters or waterfalls that are sexy and so soft to touch. I couldn’t wait to get to the market and get my hands on them. You should know that nothing gets my blood rushing faster than does shopping for clothes. And bags. And shoes. But when we got there, she insisted on the light sweaters that I do not like and she said she prefers the round-necked ones and with buttons at the front. I wanted to tell her about what I felt was fashionable but that was going to be one long discussion that I would not win. You know mothers. Then and only then did I remember that we really were born many generations apart and I decided to each his own.
Speaking of my dad, there is this other day I needed to travel and you all know those weight restrictions at the airport. When he heard that I wanted to buy a weighing scale at 500 bob since I couldn’t find a way of measuring my bags, he was like ‘No, you just want to waste money.’ He and my mother dragged me to his favorite butchery with my humongous suitcase to measure using that weighing scale of the butcher man who was smiling at me apologetically the whole time. You guys, I was mortified, embarrassed, amused and all other adverbs you can come up with. But unlike when I was younger, I wasn’t mad at them for putting me through that. Maybe I am accepting them for who they are, who they are always going to be: African parents. Till date, mister man laughs so hard when he remembers that incident.
Look, sometimes we disagree on big things like me moving out. They still think I am rejecting them or something. Lol. Here is the thing, there is the possibility that they are always going to see some things from a different perspective than I do. And it might piss me off all those times. But I will cut me and them some slack and take it easy. Also, they saw the sun first and are likely to be correct in many things than I am willing to admit. But I can choose to fight silly battles or decide to win the war by going all the way and building the relationship I want with them. Just go observe your parents, as you grow older they try to grow closer with us. Sometimes they are also clueless on how to go about it. You don’t have to meet your parents halfway every time. Sometimes you’ll have to go all the way.
On a diffent note, do you know that one person in your life who is the king or queen of silent treatment? The one who when you piss them off, blue ticks and unreplied texts become your diet for the next many months? Well, let me tell you something I fo not like about me. When someone pisses me off real bad, you know the kind of pissed that you can even hear the blood ringing in your ears? Here is what I do. Unless it involves my family, where I will strip down to my last cloth and chase you into Sahara with a spear in my hand all that time yelling atrocities, I normally just distance myself or go totally quiet on the person. No texts or calls. If we are in the same house utakula poker face hadi uchoke na mimi. But if I were to give you the list of people I have hurt in that process, you will feel sad for me.
Anyways, do not always say ‘but that is my way of dealing with stuff’ even when you know you are simply being mean. I know we members of silent treatment club do this alot bu i’m learning that our silence does not always solve issues. Having told you that, I will sit my small ass, which mister man keeps insisting is just the right size, and hope you still love me even after I just told you one of my worst habits.
To the little sisters and brothers out there, do you ever feel like you have to bend a lot for you and your elder sibling to get along? I’ve been feeling that a lot for the past two decades and that is why I will not leave without saying this. You will be surprised that those fellows, as uptight as they can be only mean well. They are still trying to find the balance between allowing you to make your own mistakes and helping you avoid some big mistakes so pardon them when they overdo stuff and annoy you. Pardon them for the few times they accidentally step on your feet. They mean well 99% of the time.
As I walk away to go concentrate on the porridge my monther insisted I take may I appreciate all the gentlemen ou there who are doing right by their ladies. You guys, we love you very much. Men who who when nikipata a rejection letter and I am cranky af, they lie to me that I was rejected because I am over qualified. Even when we know too well that I am not. Men who love us even during those days of the months when there is one big ugly pimple on our foreheads or chin and we are are struggling to hold our moods in place till we are literally gasping for air. Now I am not evesure what I am saying anymore but, Nyankuru Ogega, how are you doing? I needed to tell you that you are awesome.